I can’t believe this happened. My husband and I have been married for over two years. I consider our marriage solid, great, and fun.
No complaints at all not until he lost his job and that started weighing us down as a family. My husband was my best friend; everything was going great till that evening when I returned from work and met him at home so downcast. I was surprised to meet him at home unlike other days that he returns very late. Curious to know the reason for his cold reaction, he showed me a sack letter. I was devastated but decided to take it all in good faith. I consoled him and advised him to be on a look out elsewhere because my job won’t sustain us for long. He searched for months but all effort was futile. In a matter of months, I started feeling the burden of running the family single handedly. I confronted my husband on the development of his job search, the answer I got from him was not convincing at all.
The frustration was becoming unbearable for me, we no longer communicate as the couple we used to be. Sex in our marriage was history as there was no excitement to it. As an active Christian, I ran to my pastor for counseling. I narrated my family’s problems to my pastor and pleaded with him to intervene by talking to my husband. He agreed and asked me to invite my husband to see him the next day.
On getting home, I told him what the pastor said and pleaded with him to attend the counseling with me. He was reluctant at first but agreed at long last. The next day we were at the pastor’s office. The pastor spoke to us on some marital issues and advised us to come for two weeks counseling. That was where my ordeal with the pastor started. When we got home, my husband was so angry with me and said he will not be a party to that counseling nonsense. He blamed me for dragging our family to the public though I gave deaf ears to all he said that night and decided to attend the counseling alone with or without him. The first day of the counseling was wonderful though the pastor asked about my husband; I gave an excuse a excuse for his absence. On the third day of the counseling program, my husband went to see his parents. He spent three days because his aged mother was sick. It was at this time our pastor decided to visit our home. He said he had come to anoint the house. He knew I was disturbed.
When I told him my husband and I were falling apart, he asked me when last I made love to him; honestly I couldn’t remember because it has been a long time. That was when I started having thought about sex. I was filled with erotic thoughts. At that moment, the thought of how handsome and attractive the pastor is filled my subconscious. At first I tried to push the thought off my mind but I couldn’t. The next day, he visited again to continue the praying and anointing. Even though my husband was not around, I still welcomed him because he was always welcomed in members house. Or is it the devil at work? When I narrated what I was going to through, he was moved with so much compassion seeing my tears and came close to console me. He moved closer. He looked me deep in the eyes.
I didn’t know how it happened. But our lips met. We kissed with hot passion. We couldn’t hold it any longer and before we knew what was happening, we were already naked and moved to our room. He made love to me passionately on our matrimonial bed. I realized it been like for ages since I felt the touch of a man. We were so deep into each other like our life depended on it. We were both exhausted after we both hit our sexual climax; he told me how deeply he has falling for me and pleaded with me not to end the relationship. Then be brought out anointing oil. He said our marriage is blessed since I have made love to him on our matrimonial bed. He said our marriage will be restored again and that my husband will get another job.
Every time he visited and when my husband is not at home, we made love. He will then proceed to anoint the bed. It’s been almost a year now, that I have been having the secret relationship with our pastor. One strange thing is that he always insisted we made love on my matrimonial bed and I could not resist. He was so trusted by my husband that he did not suspect anything. My husband also moved around a lot in search of job. At a point he had to take up menial jobs in some towns and returns weekend. But my husband is yet to get a better job and I am feeling being used. Did he cast a spell on me or I am the guilty one? I don’t want to go to hell fire when I die. I have asked God for forgiveness and vowed never to see the pastor again but that is not helping the matter because whenever I’m with my husband, I’m not bold enough to tell him how I feel. I know I’m wrong but do I confess to my husband? Maybe that will be my only and true salvation.
What do I do? I need help as I am seriously dying of guilt.